PostSecret

So this week's Post Secret was slightly flat. The secrets were honest and simple, but I've seen better from underneath America's rug. So here are the few that I did enjoy:

This is the opposite side of the card that read "Why does travelling make me so freaking horny?" The reason I like this is because it's written on a safety information pamphlet. I wonder if this person was turned on by the US Airways Hudson incident? ...too soon?

I use my company's paint refurbishment projects to get high...involuntarily.

Is this a picture of what I think it is?

And here's my secret for the week:

I think I would do really well on the Real World.

Log 3

Allow me first and foremost to apologize for my tardiness in updating my postings. Allow me secondly to introduce myself to the followers who have been caught in the world wide web of lies that is this blog. My name is Sofia Loren and I am the housecat of the Medusa that publishes this blog. I frequently post journalings of my pursuit to escape these confines, but have been on a small hiatus. Rest assured much has happened since I've last logged. Allow me to regale you:
I'll begin with the Christmas season. This has got to be the strangest time of year. I fail to recognize any occasion where trees should be kept inside. I was thrown at first by the foreign aroma but soon found it useful to practice my jungle climbing skills for when I return to the rainforests of South America. I was improving until Medusa sprayed me with a toxin that bittered my tastebuds to the core. I rebelled by removing all of the dangling objects from both trees (that's right, there were two). Littering the floor with these glass balls and sharp objects was all in an attempt to injure my captors, but my effors were to no avail. I decided that a better approach was to demonstrate my wrath and ferocity on an even more annoying Christmas chachki, a caroling frog, pictured above. (Panthers kill frogs in the rainforest, right?)

And now I must be vulnerable for a minute. Underneath my sleek, cunning, athletic exterior, there is fear. Only one, no room for two. That fear is the vacuum cleaner. Things go in and never come out. That is terrifying. As much as I want to escape, that seems like a torturous way to go. Today, Medusa performed surgery on the vacuum cleaner and the smell was horrific. I believe it was the smell of death and lost souls.

Moving on, I'm brought to the subject of jewelry making, one of Medusa's hobbies. How cruel is it to sit amongst small shiney objects and NOT be allowed to self-stimulate? (or play, as lesser intelligent beings might say). What is even crueler is being forced to wear such jewelry. A chain around the neck is the signature of captivity. Naturally, I made an effort to remove it with my mighty incisors. Howsoe'er, the chain was fit the perfect size so that my jaw was locked underneath the chain with my sharp tooth caught in the link! Medusa did not know how long I was like this, mouth open wide, throat drying, unable to speak, unable to look up. I could only walk and sit. Perhaps this was her evil plan to choke me into submission. Miraculously, she freed me. And I've been on high alert since then. Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm lucky to be alive.

So on that note, I leave you with this advice: Do not wear Medusa's jewelry.

Probaby a bad idea

So today is roughly the peak of Mercury being in retrograde. By all means, I should have stayed in bed all day wrapped in bubble wrap, as I was advised. But I only made it to noon. Because then I decided to give Mercury the finger and be productive by cleaning/redecorating my room and bathroom. (And by redecorate, I mean hang a few different pictures on the walls. I wasn't gonna go crazy on a day like today.) But Mercury had other plans. Starting with the vacuum, my trusty dirt devil. I plug it in and go about my business until I smell something rancid. Checking the filter, I decided it needs to be emptied because it was at capacity. A few sneezes and a messy kitchen floor later, I'm thinking it's working like a dream. Until the smell returns and I realize it's not picking up anything. So I flip the thing over and the roller isn't even turning. Instead of saying "okay, this is just broken, let it go, buy a new vacuum, pick everything up by hand," I get out my toolbox and gut the sucker. Soon I found myself sitting in a pile of dusty hair and crap amidst tools and parts I didn't even know existed. The smell, I found out, was burning rubber from the broken and melted belt, mixed with burnt hair, I'm sure. And now that smell was in my bedroom. I managed to put it back together, and resigned to the fact that the vacuum was lost. So I lit some candles in it's memory, and to rid my sanctuary of the foul stench.
...It okay, though, because we had another vacuum cleaner all along.... figures.

eat what???

This must be shared. I've had many a laugh-fest about this and you should too.




P.S. thanks for the ringtone, Bry.

PostSecret Faves

Sorry I procrastinated until hump day to do this, but here are my faves from this Sunday's PostSecret blog, and here are my comments that follow:

....why?

Go to the www.PostSecret.com to read the whole story behind this one. I thought it was very sweet and creative and then I got bitter because I was reminded Valentine's Day is coming up. More on that later, I guarantee.

Is that a bad thing?

plus, the shout out to new york excites me...

Everyone else posted this and so will I...because this is a universal truth.

And here's my secret for the week:

I steal safety information pamphlets from airplanes.

Wait, did I already say that in another post?

F Mercury.

F Mercury

Are you in a bad mood? I can tell you why: MERCURY IS IN RETROGRADE!!! That means, Mercury is moving in an opposite direction than it's normal course. Here's an explanation of how it effects us:





This period lasts about three weeks and occurs about three times a year. It may have more specific indications with reference to your birth chart, but we will endeavor to give the more general effects below.
Since Mercury is the planet that represents communication, a retrograde Mercury usually brings problems and difficulties with communications, automobiles and vehicles, phone systems, travel, transportation, lost luggage, delayed or cancelled flights, mail delivery, computers, internet connections, information technology, and contractual agreements. It can cause delays, setbacks and last-minute changes in plans and arrangements as well as breakdowns of machinery and equipment. The difficulties are for the most part minor but irritating in nature.

So, if things just aren't going right, blame it on Mercury. I am.

And isn't it ironic...

...how a nice hot shower can make you so dehydrated? Just seems backwards.

What's Your Secret?...

While I'm on the subject, here are some secrets that are my other favorites. I don't necessarily relate to them, I just find them provocative, or funny, or just lovely.

Let's be honest. Most of us would do that AT THE WEDDING.

Chivalry is not dead. It's just usually gay.

I hope it had a good ending.

Stalker. In a cute way.

I've never been more curious about a tragedy involving a biscuit.

I don't know, either. But i agree.

Sigh....

Praise for PostSecret

So I'm sure a lot of you have heard of PostSecret.com, but in case you haven't, here's the rundown: People design a postcard that reveals a secret about themselves that they've never told anyone, and they anonymously send it to this guy, Frank, who runs this website and has published collections of people's secrets for the world to see. He updates his site every Sunday with new secrets and it has now become a highlight of every Sunday in my life. Why, you ask? It's completely fascinating. EVERYONE has a secret, from affairs to suicides to moral conflict to quirky habits. It's a reminder that you, no matter how much of a freak you think you are, are not alone in your freakdom. I actually save my favorites from every week on my computer. So I want to start sharing them on my blog, just to stir your thoughts. My favorite part about visiting the site is finding the secrets that I relate to and make me say "My God, did I send that in?" Here are a few of my faves that made me ask that question:

The answer to the question is "No, I did NOT send any of these in." But I can relate to each of them.

And p.s. It's purely coincidental that two of these are about toilet paper. It's really not that prevalent in my life.l

So here's a secret of my own:

Whenever I realize an interesting quirk about myself, I design a postsecret card in my head and pretend I'm gonna send it in.

Start spreadin' the news...

Just thinkin' about the future... at my fingertips.